Appreciation is scarce

Why it is scarce? And how to deal with it?

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

If you are building your own business, searching for a lifetime calling, researching a tough question, creating stuff that might change how others think, and at the same time feeling a lack of appreciation, this article is for you.

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Appreciation in context

On a windy night, I stood beside the window of my room, listening to the wind blowing through trees and fences—a calming moment. But about 3 meters away, a widescreen monitor kept throwing out Slack notifications, each accompanied by a light ping sound. I began to only hear the pings; the whisper of the wind soon faded away, and I felt ill and disgusted by the sound.

This was the moment I realized I might be entering a burnout period. After a series of self-examinations, I noticed the reason is due to I am less appreciated in the workspace, at the same time my work and projects are still "Work in Progress".

During the period of curing my burnout, I became increasingly interested in the concept of appreciation in the human condition, including all forms of thankfulness: the services we offer for a paycheck, the admiration we receive when we change someone else's view of the world, and the applause from the community when we do something great.

It's a broad question that spans different conditions and groups. In this article, I want to focus on our careers, passions, why appreciation is so scarce and my solutions about how to deal with it. 

Tell me more about your experience and what you are building.

Why appreciation is scarce

Attention, System 1 & 2 thinking

In 2011, Daniel Kahneman published his extraordinary book "Thinking, Fast and Slow,". In this book, he introduced the concepts of System 1 and System 2 thinking. System 1 is fast, subconscious, and automatic; it's the first reaction we have on a topic based on intuition. System 2, however, is slow, conscious, and effortful; it's the deliberate reasoning we apply to a task.

With System 1 thinking predominating, long-term efforts are frequently overlooked. After returning home, it's challenging for individuals to engage with long-form articles or immerse themselves in interesting questions. They are simply exhausted.

The second figure

On a night in 1858, Charles Darwin received a surprising letter from Alfred Russel Wallace. In this letter, Wallace outlined his theory of evolution. Later that year, Wallace sent Darwin another letter with a newly written paper discussing natural selection. Darwin praised this paper, saying, "he could not have made a better short abstract!" Darwin immediately understood that they had discovered this theory independently and shared a similar view about how it could evolve and affect generations across centuries. They published a joint presentation on this theory, and over the years, Wallace became the greatest supporter and strongest defender of their work.

It's likely that even without Wallace's joint discovery, Darwin would still have published his great work "The Origin of Species," but he might have needed more effort to push the boundaries forward. With Wallace's discovery, people began to wonder: if two scientists independently discovered similar theories, might this be a clue to its validity? This kind of second figure has a significant effect on pushing innovation into adoption; people need proof to embrace new ideas, and the second figure serves as the center of social proof.

It takes a tremendous amount of time to attract the second figure to adopt your theory, use your tool, and read your article. Most of the time, they are absent. I think this is also the reason why appreciation is scarce; it takes too long to acquire the second figure, while at the same time, the result of lacking the second figure is detrimental.

It's hard to create value for other

There is a famous quote in the realm of sales. A man is asked to sell a pen immediately in an interview. The bad salesman will begin to describe how good the pen is and "why you need it." The good salesman will put the pen on the table and begin to ask, "What do you feel is lacking during your work?" The crucial difference between these two salesmen is how they interpret the relationship between them and the customers. 

The bad salesman looks at the world and thinks the value is in the pen; the good salesman, on the other hand, understands that the value is in the people. He tries to understand the customers and in this way, he can calibrate the path aligned with customers' interest. Value creation is not different from what a good salesman did. It's about acknowledging what others need.

Creating value is not easy; it demands hard work and the will to dig deep into others' circumstances. It also requires luck. 

These are three factors that contribute to the scarcity of appreciation. Together with them, the challenges we face in our lifetime become more daunting.

The challenge we face

Our lives have multiple stages; everyone is different and has their own pace. But we can roughly separate them into three phases. 

1. Exploration: From childhood to studying in school, we explore the world and ourselves.

2. Connection: After joining the workforce, we connect what we learn, have, and want.

3. Legacy: We think about what we'll leave for the world and the value we've created.

Throughout all these phases, appreciation is the fuel we cannot live without. I will focus on the problems we face related to appreciation in these three phases.

Exploration: The misalignment between education and profession

When we are students, we receive appreciation from various sources: teachers, peers, and the educational system itself. However, this appreciation comes at a cost, as it's a product of the carefully crafted educational environment. Teachers and the system are essentially compensated to provide this appreciation. Professor Larry McEnerney eloquently addressed this issue in the context of academic writing.

Very roughly put, you have learned to write in what Wittgenstein would call a form of life in which your readers were paid to care about you

Educators are compensated to understand their students, not because students' actions fundamentally alter the educators' worldview or create additional value to their daily lives. This reality creates a significant challenge when students enter society. We quickly discover that appreciation is far less abundant than they anticipated. Unfortunately, these difficulties persist throughout our professional lives.

Connection: The combination of three-ring

Vocation is often described as the combination of what you're good at, what you're passionate about, and what value you provide to others. 

We often focus solely on our professional skills, which companies value and compensate for. However, this arrangement can be fragile as corporate missions rarely align with personal passions. The demands of work often leave little energy for personal growth or pursuing our interests. While corporate employment provides financial stability and a sense of community, it's vulnerable to various factors like layoffs or reputation damage. Over time, this can create inertia, discouraging us from exploring how our skills could benefit others outside the corporate structure. The longer we remain in this employee mindset, the harder it becomes to think beyond our prescribed roles.

Legacy: We might not be recognized during our lifetime

I think this is the most painful point I have to bring to the table in this article, but there are too many historical examples that emphasize this issue, and we cannot blindly ignore it: there is a high possibility that your work won't be recognized during your lifetime.

Gregor Mendel once told his friend Gustav von Niessl, "My time will come," but that time arrived 113 years after his death.

It takes tremendous effort to compose a great work that can benefit many others; at the same time, it requires an incredible amount of luck to have others recognize our work during our lifetime.

How to strive for our goal - thinking of appreciation as something stored in a battery

At first glance, the scarcity of appreciation and the challenges we face may seem like a vicious cycle with no escape. However, the reality is quite different. We need to recognize that creating something great is a long-term endeavor. In this game, the decisive factor is not whether you win or lose, but how long you can stay in play.

As social beings, appreciation from others acts as fuel that keeps us engaged in this long-term game. Yet, if you're doing truly great work, there's a high possibility you won't receive immediate appreciation. The question then becomes: how do we endure this period?

While appreciation may be scarce, we don't need to view it as a limited, easily depleted resource. Instead, we can imagine appreciation as something stored in a virtual battery that can be charged from various sources.

Tokenized appreciation

The first step is to try tokenizing our appreciation.

When I was a child, I treasured a special sticker book. It was A6 size, measuring 10 cm wide and 15 cm tall. The book's pages were coated with a plastic film, which allowed me to easily remove and reposition stickers. I collected various stickers to fill its pages: some from doctors' visits, particularly dentists, and others from school as rewards for good behavior or achievements. Over time, as the book filled with colorful stickers, it became incredibly precious to me. I cherished this simple collection as if it were worth hundreds of thousands of dollars

We can treat the appreciation we receive like those stickers. No matter how small, we can record it. Detail who gave you the appreciation, in what scenario, situation, and why it was provided. When you feel lost or lack appreciation, you can look back at these records and remind yourself that you are valued in many different ways. 

Focus on gain instead of gap

Benjamin Hardy shares this practical idea in his book "The Gap and the Gain." It is very easy to get stuck in the feeling of being left behind, overwhelmed by the gap between you and your goal. But that is not the truth; the only truth right now is your gain. All the hard work you've put in over the years on your project might already exceed your initial imagination.

Reflect on this and say it out loud: We have already done great work; all we need to do is keep going. Step by step, we can achieve more.

Work-in-progress Mindset

This is a tool to help us maintain peace of mind and will to dive deeper into the unknown, I call it a work-in-progress mindset. 

The idea starts with a simple phrase. When someone asks, "What are you doing right now?" we respond with:

"Although it's still a work in progress, recently I am..."

This may seem trivial, but bear with me. The power lies not in the words themselves, but in our willingness to admit we are still in a developmental phase.

Often, when faced with this question, we feel pressured to prove ourselves. This urge can lead us to exaggerate or even fabricate our accomplishments. Over time, this habit can drag us into a dim state of constant pretense, and worst of all, hinder our ability to focus on real growth.

It's not shameful to admit we are still in work-in-progress mode. For me, that is the bravest way to express our hard work. "I am still working on it, but if you are interested, I am happy to share it with you." This is also why movements like "Build in Public" are very helpful, not only from a marketing standpoint but also for the builder's mental health.

In the end, this is a long-term game. The longer we stay in work-in-progress mode with a clear goal in mind, the more likely we are to eventually mature something that brings benefit to others.

This is not a zero-sum game, this is an infinite game - Appreciation Creation

Appreciation is scarce, and with this idea, it looks like we are playing a zero-sum game, but the truth is not. Appreciation is scarce doesn't mean it can not be created. 

Practice the good salesman skill

Value creation starts with asking the right questions. In the startup world, there's a famous concept called the Mom Test, which has three cornerstones:

1. Talk about their life instead of your idea.

2. Ask about specifics from the past instead of generics or opinions about the future.

3. Talk less and listen more.

Consider the metaphor of a good salesman versus a bad one. The good salesman understands that the value lies not in the pen but in the people to whom he's talking. At the moment, he's a listener, asking good questions without trying to sell anything.

This is how value creation begins: by asking and listening. 

Although I've introduced this topic with a methodology famous in the startup world, it doesn't mean you can't utilize it in your daily life, whether in a corporation or a community. When any situation arises, good or bad, keep in mind that the changing circumstances represent an opportunity for creating value, and all it takes to start is one question.

Find or build your community

A bookstore named "Shakespeare and Company" was founded by Sylvia Beach in Paris in 1919 as a lending library and bookstore. This bookstore became a bridge between the United States and French literature, supporting many young authors who are famous today but were not appreciated back then, like James Joyce, the writer of Ulysses.

In 1930, the Great Depression hit the world, severely damaging this bookstore to the extent that Sylvia considered closing it down. Her friend, André Gide, the 1947 Nobel Prize in Literature recipient, gathered a group of writers to form a club. Each member became a subscriber to the bookstore, paying 200 francs a year to be able to read unlimitedly at "Shakespeare and Company."

This is the power of the community, Sylvia builds her community by supporting these authors who are still in a work-in-progress and appreciate their potential. She creates much value for this community and when the time she needs help, the community appreciates her work and support, so they give back the support. 

Find your community or build one if you can provide more value than you take, you will find appreciation is constantly being created in the community.

Infinite Thinking

I like what Simon Sinek wrote in his book "Infinite Game":

"To ask, 'What's best for me' is finite thinking. To ask, 'What's best for us' is infinite thinking."

One of the most powerful motivations of human will is when we find ourselves part of something bigger than ourselves. This applies to many situations: bringing joy to others, building a community that provides value, writing a newsletter that changes others' worldviews, or moving the needle in the research field. Some successful companies have also come a long way with their missions, like SpaceX's ambition to colonize Mars, Google's mission to connect the world with a search engine, or Apple's craft to help advance humankind.

All of these goals, these "whys," are bigger than any one person. When we enter this realm of thinking, appreciation is not a resource we chase after or cut from others; it's not merely a scarce resource. When we embrace this kind of thinking and begin to create value, community and missions for others to join, we are creating appreciation. As Albert Einstein once said, "Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value." Though clichéd, this advice has endured through time.

Hey, your work matters. Your efforts count. And while your time for widespread recognition may not have come yet, you're laying the groundwork for a legacy that extends far beyond immediate appreciation. Keep exploring, connecting, and creating – your contributions are shaping the world in ways you might not yet see.

Thanks

Thanks Dani, Jad, Jonathan, Jimmy, Lucy, Shaka for reading the draft of this article. I can not make this far without your help.