#8/120 - Sort, filter and rebuild our identity - Breaking free from endless title-chasing status game
If you feel powerless, lacking agency and control, this essay is for you.
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If you feel powerless, lacking agency and control, this essay is for you.
On a cold and quiet night, I casually sat in my chair and chatted with a friend from the other side of the Earth. He is a wise man who has experienced many unique and dangerous situations, all while cultivating a refined sense of humor and an elegant use of metaphor. He spoke slowly yet powerfully. We shared our thoughts on many topics that night, but when the conversation turned to careers, he mentioned one of his colleagues working at a famous institution in the USA—and he said one sentence that triggered my thinking:
"His life is sorted."
I began to wonder: What does it mean to say one's life is “sorted”? Is it a reference to a well-ordered set of objectives—a life built on external markers of success such as contributions to humankind, inspiring stories, or successful ventures? And importantly, does that person truly believe it?
The fear of death
Death is inevitable. This shocking fact haunts us all the time. To overcome our fear and preserve our existence, we seek out groups with whom to share memories, adopt ideologies to devote ourselves to, and find countries to be proud of. We subconsciously attach many identities, titles, and badges to ourselves.
It’s not only a matter of loss aversion—it’s also positively addictive for several reasons. Our society values identities. Moreover, social media platforms use algorithms that amplify this tendency; people prefer seeing recognizable and fixed characteristics and feel lost without them. This creates a feedback loop where we become increasingly fixated on the status we hold.
At first glance, this might not seem like a big deal. We can’t help but carry our “name cards.” But there’s a vicious, often overlooked aspect: it trains us to seek meaning from external sources. When we feel confused, defeated, or challenged, thoughts of our identity—what we do for a living, our family, our titles, and even the number of followers we have—flash through our minds. We come to believe that our value is built upon these externally imposed badges, mistakenly treating them as the source of our power.
That is the reason, when someone says "Someone's life is sorted", it usually involves their titles, identities and status.
But I don’t think this is the full story.
These identities are fragile. Once you leave a company, that fixed identity vanishes. When circumstances change, your title may be taken by someone else. These things are not in your control, and it’s particularly dangerous to base the center of your life on something that isn’t truly yours.
I will argue that we should not use identity as the definitive proof that one’s life is sorted. Instead, we should look at one’s "creation" and "contribution," as well as the unending pursuit of the true self.
Let me tell a story about Buckminster Fuller—especially how he defined his life.
Buckminster Fuller and Guinea Pig B
Economically broke, with a beloved daughter buried before her fourth birthday, expelled from university twice, and lacking significant skills, a man who seemed to have no value stood by Lake Michigan, wondering if it was time to end his life. All he needed to do was swim far beyond his capability and let nature take its course—so that his wife could cash in the insurance and start a new life.
But he stopped at the edge of the lake when a voice caught his attention—a voice that spoke seriously to him, expressing that he had potential and needed to realize it for the greater good, for humankind.
You belong to the Universe. Your significance will remain forever obscure to you, but you may assume that you are fulfilling your role if you apply yourself to converting your experiences to the highest advantage of others.
This is Buckminster Fuller, whose inventions and ideas would later change the world. These include the famous geodesic dome, the concept of Spaceship Earth, the World Game, and the Dymaxion. He led humanity to explore how we can help each other achieve more.
What strikes me most is not merely the number of things he invented, but how he invented them. Two stories perfectly showcase Buckminster Fuller’s philosophy.
In the 1920s, Fuller began experimenting with polyphasic sleep—in contrast to the typical human pattern of one continuous sleep period per day. Inspired by the way dogs and cats sleep in multiple periods, he tested whether this schedule could boost his productivity. For about two years, he adhered to this pattern, sleeping only two hours per day: after six hours of work, he took a 30‑minute nap before resuming work.1
Another story is about his diary—not just any diary, but what he called the Dymaxion Chronofile. Fuller created an enormous scrapbook where he recorded nearly everything that happened each day: copies of correspondence, bills, notes, sketches, and newspaper clippings. Spanning from 1915 to 1983, near the end of his life, the Chronofile eventually contained over 140,000 pieces of paper, 64,000 feet of film, 1,500 hours of audio tape, and 300 hours of video recordings. He meticulously documented his life to be examined and learned from.
In the core of this experiments, Fuller referred to himself as “Guinea Pig B”, acknowledging his willingness to personally test his innovative concepts. By doing so, he treated his life as a series of experiments—learning directly from successes and failures rather than relying solely on abstract theory.
Fuller was an experimenter who rigorously tested different ideas using his own life. He broke things down to their basics and examined them with curiosity and action. He seldom conformed to a fixed set of identities; instead, he invented identities for himself and built a personal brand based on his experiments and inventions, so he called Dymaxion. People knew him not for the awards he received, but for the creations he made.
Sort, filter and rebuild our identity
Fuller’s way of living was unique and is hard to replicate, but we can learn many lessons from how he lived—especially in the way he crafted his identity. From his life story, I have developed a three-step process to help you rebuild your own identity.
Sort
The first step is Sort. Before you can sort anything, list all the identities you currently hold—write down as many as you can. If you find it difficult, try using these questions in your thought process:
What does your daily routine look like? In order for your day to function smoothly, what identities does it require?
When do you feel most authentically yourself, and what activities or moments bring that out? In those moments, which identity are you expressing?
Which passions or interests have quietly persisted throughout your life, even when you weren’t actively pursuing them?
What unspoken narratives or stories about yourself have you carried with you, and do they still resonate today?
After this step, you will have a list of your current identities. Next, sort the list in order of importance—from most to least important. Don’t overthink it; this list is for your eyes only, so just follow your heart.
Filter
Now it’s time to filter your identities. You only have three slots, so be mindful—besides the selected ones, eliminate all the others. Consider these questions to help you with this step:
Think about 10 years or even decades into the future: do you want to live with the selected identity? Do you feel its benefits on a day-to-day basis?(Don’t overthink it—judge it by your current self.)
Suppose you want to adopt an identity that fulfills your desire to be seen—what would that ideal identity be? Which of your current identities is closest to it?
Reflect on your dreams. What is the recurring theme? Is it scary, strange, beautiful, or heartwarming? Which identity aligns with that theme?
In book Deep Work, Cal Newport mentioned a mind-set called any-benefit mindset in tool selection[^3]. I think it can also be applied to "identity selection". What any-benefit mindset is collecting one thing into your life just because of its benefit without considering its negativity and opportunity cost. Newport mentioned that we should first think what is our baseline, what is truly matters to us and consider it with all the negativity and positivity combined.2
Pause and ponder—it will be worth your time.
Rebuild
We are entering the most important part, you have the critical identities on your hand. Think back to the last time you introduced yourself to someone. Maybe you said, "I am a programmer", or "I am a programmer working in xxx company". It's normal, but at the same time lacking the essence of your life. Let's give it some twist, connect our identities back to our creation. "I am a programmer, currently building an app to help people chat with hundreds of thinkers, philosophers and entrepreneurs, from the past to the present". Doesn’t that feel more alive?
This is what matters: connecting your identity with your creations and contributions. It may feel overwhelming, because sometimes we don’t have a clear sense of what we’re actually creating or contributing in life. But remember—Buckminster Fuller didn’t know at first either. What he did have was a mindset to serve humanity in the best way he could, and he started by investigating and experimenting.
It’s the hardest part, and there’s no sugarcoating it—it takes time to mature. Still, you do have some clues to guide you. Look at the three identities you just singled out. From those, ask yourself: what could I create or contribute?
Next, think about a small, simple step you can take right now based on your current capacity, knowledge, and motivation. For instance, if you’re a writer, write something short and share it publicly. Don’t push yourself too hard. Start with a step that feels easy, then gradually go deeper.3
Also, you don’t need to have the full picture of your creation or contribution just yet. Take this example of a short self-introduction: “I’m a writer, and I’m working on a piece about love and betrayal. The overall story still isn’t very clear, but I’m exploring it.” There’s no shame in admitting you’re a work in progress. What truly matters is that you’re creating or contributing something.
Over time, your identity will continue to evolve, but it will always be grounded in your unique creations and contributions—no one can take that away from you. Whenever you feel lost, look back at what you’ve accomplished, and let that anchor you as you recalibrate your path.
What’s beautiful about this approach is that you leave behind the endless game of title-chasing. You define your own game, craft your own titles, and shape your own identity.
In the end, we only live once. The best way to live is on our own terms.
Our life is sorted, on our hand.
Thanks
Lucy for reading the draft of this essay.
This month’s connection: Benigno Vikko Taruc
I met Vikko in the Thread community, and he immediately stood out as a charming, interesting, and positive person. He consistently shares his knowledge about writing, branding, sales, and more. Our friendship really took off after our first call, during which he shared personal branding tactics I had never even considered. His casual yet insightful approach lit me up and helped me feel less alone on my journey to create value.
If you ever feel lonely, as if you’re drifting in the darkness of creating value or building your product, I highly recommend following him on Thread. He’ll be right there with you, every step of the way.
In the book Deep Work, Cal Newport suggest that we can first think what is our most important goal in our current life, and then list the crucial activities that can achieve this goal. We can approach the identity selection with the similar structure.
Also, you need to prepare yourself for the hardships that arise when you dig deeper.